Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Carl Jung

This is why you don’t need a life coach

As a leadership and wellbeing coach, should I really write this article?

After thinking about it, I decided to write this because the world of coaching can be confusing, and I know I’d want this article if I weren’t a coach but curious about working with one.

So here it goes… you don’t need a life coach.

There, I said it.

It’s the same reason I don’t need to hire a fitness trainer, a nutritionist, or a website developer if I really don’t want to.

Twenty years ago, I wouldn’t have made this argument.

What’s changed?

The internet.

You have zero excuses for not knowing what to do

The internet has democratized so much content that you can find nearly any information for free. The only cost you would incur is the time spent filtering out what’s legitimate and what’s bogus. 

Thanks to the information age, and the conveniences of technology, I’ve become my own trainer, nutritionist, and website developer – which would have been very difficult to accomplish 20 years ago without the help of Google.

Similarly, if you’re stressed, stuck, burnt out, or looking for ways to navigate imposter syndrome, uncertainty, office politics, or improve your executive presence – you can accomplish all of this – completely free of charge.

For zero dollars, you can find all the life hacks and ways you can crush it on your job in the form of blogs, podcasts, video tutorials, and online groups and training.

I swear – they exist. The quality of the content ranges from super valuable to complete trash – but it’s all available to you – for free!

And if you still need more information, for a tiny investment, you can read entire books on each of these topics from world-renowned experts and researchers.

So if you’re looking for information and “how-to’s” – you don’t need to hire a coach.

Why would you want to hire a coach? 

I’ve heard people describe having a leadership coach or a life coach as their “secret weapon” or “edge” to managing their life, well-being, or success.

If all the information is out there, why do people seek out and work with coaches?

It boils down to 4 simple reasons.

1. You’re looking for personalized support

This means you want a tailored approach that fits your preferences, situation, and pain points. 

While there’s a ton of free information available to you – it’s also thousands of hours of research and digesting the information  – time that could be put toward living your life.

As a coach, part of my job is to keep up with the latest literature relevant to the issues my clients face (including well-being, stress, trauma, burnout, and leadership). Instead of trying every strategy on for size – when you work with me, you’re going to get the most relevant tools for what you’re experiencing.

Don’t get me wrong – nothing’s a guarantee because you know – life. But we’re improving your odds by starting with the five most effective tools based on your current situation and needs, which can be different than the five tools that would be suggested for the next person.

In addition to selecting the tools, a skilled coach will also follow a course that will most resonate with you – course meaning sequence.

For example, say your goal is to experience less overwhelm at work and home. You already know that there are a number of different things that can help you – mindfulness, relaxation techniques, adopting a growth mindset, breaking down large tasks into smaller tasks, time-blocking, creating boundaries, prioritizing your day, examining underlying beliefs, and triggers around overwhelm, etc. These are all common strategies that can help alleviate overwhelm – but which do you start with? And what mindfulness exercise should you try first? And how do you integrate them all?

A skilled coach will bring a blend of science and intuition to co-create with you a set of skills or tools to experiment with that will most resonate with you. 

In this sense, working with a coach can save you time and energy, and get you to your goal more quickly and with less agony.

2. Discover your blind spots

People call it different things – the Johari window, blind spots, hidden talents, your shadow, and the subconscious. Essentially it’s the notion that we as humans all have things we don’t know – that we don’t know. 

And if we don’t know what we don’t know – it’s hard, if not impossible, to work on these areas.

When it comes to self-help we often only work on the areas that we know we don’t know. For example, clients often are very aware and candid about not knowing how to create boundaries- so it gives us a direction to explore.

But the real value of working with a coach is the bigger realization that happens when you see the hidden beliefs that have been blocking you from setting boundaries. So the real issue isn’t the “how-to” but “why haven’t I” or “what’s in the way of.” This is the area that you didn’t know you didn’t know.

It’s difficult to work with blindspots on our own. It usually requires someone else to be a mirror for us that allows us to see the things we don’t know that we don’t know. 

Often our blind spots are things we don’t yet know we want or need. A well-trained coach can shine a light into those hidden corners. And once you see it, it’s no longer a blind spot. And once it’s within your awareness – you’re able to work with it to create the change that aligns with your goals. This is the crux of transformation – seeing things with “new eyes.” It’s this new perspective that you didn’t consider before that’ll propel you into action.

As your coach, I will never tell you what to do. I’m not here to tell you what’s best for you; I’m not the expert of your life.

My role as your coach is to be an objective thought partner who co-creates an environment with you that allows you to articulate and organize your thoughts and feelings. In this space, where my higher self seeks to connect to my client’s higher self, I ask thought-provoking questions related to the stated goal and listen deeply to what my client’s whole being expresses. Often the client will have a perspective shift through inquiry. Sometimes, I’ll offer a piece of relevant information or a different possibility for their consideration to further zoom in or zoom out of their situation, to broaden their “data” for decision-making. Through this partnership, clients often experience a different perspective, uncover blind spots, and reconnect with their true selves and what matters most to them.

3. We hurt in relationships and heal in relationships

I have yet to work with someone whose current source of stress didn’t trace back to a pattern created ages ago that involved being hurt by another human.

The power of having another person with whom you feel safe and can entrust with your thoughts and feelings can only be described as healing. To quote my teacher, Dr. Gabor Maté, “We hurt in relationships and heal in relationships.”

This is why “life hacks” and all the reading and thinking in the world won’t move the needle on healing at the core. Healing has to be experienced in the body, and usually in the presence of another safe body.

When working with stress and trauma, having a trained person to compassionately reflect back to you your truth is particularly helpful to release and transmute the energy that would otherwise be stuck in the body.

4. Discover your truth with a celebration & accountability partner

The modern world breeds people who are more and more independent. Self-made. Self-motivated. Self-sufficient.

But it can come at the cost of feeling alone on the journey. A coach can be your accountability and celebration partner as you work toward your goal. 

There are leaders who talk about keeping personal goals to yourself until you achieve them – especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. This is so that you protect yourself from other people’s unintentional negative energy that often comes from their own fears.

I’ll assume we all have experienced a family member or a friend who won’t hesitate to give you 10 reasons why moving, pursuing a different career, or taking on that personal project is a bad idea. Our family and friends have good intentions – but most people’s “suggestions” come from a place of their own desires and fears projected onto you – which may not be your truth or serve your best interest.

A coach holds your agenda and works with you to articulate what’s true for you. This way, you’re making decisions and living a life that’s authentic and meaningful to you.

Working with a coach makes that journey less alone. You can talk about the natural peaks and valleys and celebrate your wins and milestones without the projection of fear onto you.

The bottom line

You don’t need to hire a leadership or life coach if it’s information you’re looking for.

You can absolutely learn the “how-to” on anything on your own, without a coach, if you put in the time.

But, you might want a coach if you’re looking for a personalized approach, uncovering blind spots, healing from trauma (only with a trauma-informed coach), and an objective thought partner to celebrate with and hold you accountable. In that case, hiring a qualified coach is one of the best investments you can make to improve your quality of life.

Hiring a coach is a personal decision and commitment. Don’t let anyone rush or pressure you into working with them. Coaching is an unregulated industry where you’ll find coaches with different qualifications, approaches, and intentions. No matter who you choose to work with, I recommend doing your research, getting on an intro call with them, and then feeling it out if it’s right for you.

If you have questions about coaching or working together, drop me note.