Listen, I’m about to share something that might get me kicked out of the “serious fitness influencer” club. But who cares? This Dirty Alani Witch’s Brew recipe is basically fall in a glass, and it tastes better than anything Starbucks is pushing this season. We’re talking caramel apple vibes, energy drink magic, and enough Instagram appeal to make your ex cry.

What Makes This Fall Energy Drink So Ridiculously Good?

Picture this: It’s October. You’re wearing your cutest oversized sweater. The leaves are doing their thing. And you’re sipping on something that tastes like a caramel apple had a baby with an energy drink at a protein shake convention. Wild, right?

Here’s the thing — Alani Nu’s limited-edition Witch’s Brew already slaps harder than autumn wind. It’s got that crisp apple flavor with just enough spooky season energy. But we’re not basic here. Nope. We’re making it dirty.

And before you clutch your pearls, “dirty” just means we’re adding creamy goodness. Think of it as the coffee shop rebel move, except cooler because it involves Halloween vibes and 200mg of caffeine.

The Ingredients You’ll Need (And Why They Matter)

Let me break down this shopping list like I’m explaining TikTok to your mom:

The Star Player

• 1 can Alani Nu Witch’s Brew Energy Drink (12 oz, chilled like your heart after watching that last season finale)

This limited-edition energy drink is the backbone of our operation. With 200mg of caffeine and zero sugar, it’s basically permission to be productive while tasting fall. Listen, these are sold out literally EVERYWHERE right now, but I found them available on Amazon in a 24-pack. Pro tip? Grab them NOW because these bad boys disappear faster than pumpkin spice lattes in September, and who knows when they’ll restock again.

The Supporting Cast

Step-By-Step Instructions (Because We’re Not Animals)

Step 1: Set the Stage

Grab your tallest, clearest glass (these hurricane glasses are my go-to). Why clear? Because we’re creating art here, people. Drizzle that caramel sauce around the inside like you’re Jackson Pollock but with better taste in beverages. The caramel should create pretty ribbons down the sides. This isn’t just for show — okay, it’s mostly for show, but it also adds flavor as you sip.

Fill that beautiful disaster with ice. And I mean FILL it. We want this drink colder than your response to “we need to talk” texts.

Step 2: The Main Event

Pour your chilled Witch’s Brew over the ice slowly. Watch it fizz. Feel powerful. You’re basically a beverage wizard now.

If you’re using that green apple syrup (and honestly, you should because YOLO), stir it in now. Use a long spoon. Make it look effortless even though we both know you practiced this move in the mirror.

Step 3: Make It Dirty (The Fun Part)

Here’s where the magic happens. Pour in your sweet cream creamer SLOWLY down the side of the glass. Don’t stir immediately! Let it create those gorgeous swirls that’ll make your Pinterest followers weep with envy.

After you’ve taken seventeen photos, give it a gentle stir. We want marbled, not muddy.

Step 4: Crown Your Creation

Top with Reddi-wip if you’re feeling festive (and when are we not?). Sprinkle some cinnamon or pumpkin spice from your holiday spice collection on top like you’re blessing this drink with autumn powers. Add one final caramel drizzle because more is more when it comes to fall aesthetics.

Grab a straw, preferably one of those fancy reusable ones that makes you feel like you’re saving the planet one sip at a time.

Nutrition Facts That’ll Make You Feel Less Guilty

Look, I could lie and tell you this is basically a salad, but let’s keep it real:

Per serving (with sugar-free caramel):

• Calories: ~80-120 (less than that cookie you’re eyeing)
• Carbs: 6-8g (your brain will thank you)
• Fat: 2-3g (from the creamer)
• Caffeine: 200mg (productivity in a glass)
• Sugar: 0g (if using sugar-free options)
• Guilt: Zero

Want to add some protein? You could swap the creamer for Fairlife Core Power vanilla protein shake if you’re trying to hit your macros. It’ll add 10-15g of protein while keeping that creamy dreaminess.

Pro Tips From Someone Who’s Made This 47 Times

The Layering Secret Nobody’s Talking About

Pour the creamer slowly down a spoon held just above the drink surface. This creates perfect layers instead of immediately mixing. Your Instagram followers will think you went to barista school. You’re welcome.

Temperature Is Everything

That Witch’s Brew needs to be ice-cold before you start. Like, sitting in the fridge overnight cold. Room temperature energy drinks are a crime against humanity and autumn.

The Instagram Secret

Use a clear glass (duh) but here’s the kicker — wipe the inside with a paper towel after adding the caramel but before adding ice. It keeps the drizzle defined instead of smudgy. Your followers don’t need to know how many takes this required. PS: These hurricane glasses from Amazon are absolutely perfect for this drink. The curves show off those creamy swirls like nobody’s business.

Batch It for Parties

Making these for your Halloween party? Pre-drizzle all your glasses and keep them in the freezer. Set up a DIY station with all the toppings. Suddenly you’re the host who “just throws things together effortlessly.” Sure, Jan.

Substitutions for Every Dietary Drama

Dairy-Free? Swap the creamer for oat milk creamer or coconut cream. Still dirty, still delicious.

Keto Warriors: You’re already set with sugar-free everything. Maybe add some MCT oil if you’re really trying to optimize. I see you.

Extra Caffeine Fiend: Add a shot of espresso. I won’t judge. Much.

Can’t Find Witch’s Brew? First of all, try harder (check Amazon or local vitamin shops). But if you must, use their regular apple flavor or any crisp apple-flavored energy drink. It won’t be the same, but we’ll still be friends.

Storage and Meal Prep (Because We’re Adults… Sort Of)

Real talk? This drink is best fresh. The carbonation waits for no one. BUT, you can prep your glasses with the caramel drizzle up to 24 hours ahead. You can also pre-mix your protein powder paste and keep it in a small container.

Don’t even think about making this ahead and storing it. Flat energy drinks are sadder than canceled plans you were secretly hoping would get canceled.

Frequently Asked Questions That I’m Tired of Answering in My DMs

Can I make this hot?

No. What is wrong with you? This is a COLD drink. The carbonation would disappear, and you’d have sad, flat, warm apple juice with cream. Please love yourself more than this.

Is this actually healthy?

Compared to what? A green smoothie? No. Compared to that 800-calorie Frappuccino you’re considering? Absolutely. It’s got protein, it’s low-calorie, and it makes you happy. Mental health counts, Susan.

Can kids drink this?

It has 200mg of caffeine, so unless you want your kid bouncing off walls like a caffeinated ping-pong ball, maybe make them a mocktail version with sparkling apple juice instead.

Why is it called “dirty”?

Because we’re adding cream to something that typically doesn’t have cream. It’s a coffee shop term that we’re stealing because we’re creative like that. Also, it sounds cooler than “Creamy Alani Witch’s Brew,” which sounds like a bad Halloween romance novel.

Will this break my fast?

Yes. It has calories. Cream has calories. Caramel has calories. Your intermittent fasting window is closed, friend. But honestly? Sometimes you need to live a little.

Can I use regular Alani Nu flavors?

Sure, if you hate fun and seasonal joy. But seriously, yes. The Cosmic Stardust or Hawaiian Shaved Ice flavors could work, but you’ll need to adjust the syrups accordingly. Get creative, you rebel.

Shop This Recipe (Because Running to Three Stores Is Not It)

Look, I know you’re busy. You’ve got things to do, seasons to celebrate, drinks to Instagram. So I’ve rounded up everything you need in one spot. You’re welcome.

The Essentials:

The Flavor Makers:

The Finishing Touches:

Trust me, having everything on hand means you can whip this up whenever the craving hits. And it will hit. Probably at 3 PM on a Tuesday when you’re supposed to be working.

The Bottom Line (Or Should I Say… Caramel Line?)

This Dirty Alani Witch’s Brew is everything October promised you it would be. It’s the perfect fall energy drink for when you want to feel festive but still keep it somewhat healthy. It takes five minutes to make, photographs like a dream, and tastes like autumn decided to throw a party in your mouth.

Is it the healthiest thing you could drink? Nah. Is it the most fun you’ll have with an energy drink this fall? Absolutely.

So grab your caramel sauce, channel your inner barista witch, and make this drink. Your Instagram feed will thank you. Your taste buds will thank you. And that 3 PM slump? It won’t even know what hit it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make my third one today. For research purposes, obviously.

Have you tried this recipe? Tag me in your stories so I can judge your caramel drizzle technique! And if you’re looking for more ways to make your energy drinks less boring, you might want to check out my protein coffee recipes that are basically dessert in a mug. Because who says healthy eating has to be boring?