Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Carl Jung
Nobody needs a coach.
Coming from a coach, that might sound strange. But here’s the truth: With the wealth of information available online, and with the advent of AI, you absolutely can improve your life without hiring a coach.
And yet, my calendar stays full with clients who have access to all that free information. Why?
It’s the same reason I don’t need to hire a fitness trainer, a gardener, a nutritionist, or a website developer if I don’t want to… but I’m likely to gain some additional benefits if I do.
The “How-To” is at Your Fingertips
The internet, and now AI has democratized content. Whether you’re building a garden or a website, improving your fitness, or navigating office politics, the information is out there. You’ll find blogs, podcasts, tutorials, and expert advice on any topic imaginable.
You’ll need to filter the valuable from the worthless, but the knowledge itself is free.
Still want more? For the price of a book, you can access deep insights from world-renowned experts.
So if it’s just information you’re after—you don’t need a coach.
Why Would You Want to Hire a Coach?
I’ve heard people describe having a leadership coach or a life coach as their “edge” to managing their career and life.
If all the information is out there, why do people seek out and work with coaches?
From what I’ve experienced, it boils down to 4 simple reasons.
Working with a coach can save you time, energy and get you to your goal more quickly and with less agony.
1. You’re looking for personalized support
This means you want a tailored approach that fits your preferences, situation, and pain points.
While there’s a ton of free information available to you, it’s also thousands of hours of research, digesting the information, trial, and error—time that could be put toward living your life.
For example, say your goal is to experience less overwhelm at work and home. You already know some tools that can help—mindfulness, relaxation techniques, adopting a growth mindset, breaking down large tasks into smaller ones, time-blocking, creating boundaries, prioritizing your day, asking for what you need, examining underlying beliefs, and triggers around overwhelm, etc. These are all common strategies that can help alleviate overwhelm—but which one do you start with, what specific exercise do you try, and how do you integrate them all?
Instead of trying every strategy on for size—when you work with me, we begin with understanding your situation, the nuances of what you’re experiencing, and your desired goal. This tailored approach leads us to the most relevant strategies and areas to explore.
As a coach, part of my job is to keep up with the latest literature relevant to the issues my clients face (including burnout, stress, trauma, well-being, and leadership). My approach is to bring a blend of science, experience, and intuition to co-create with you strategies that are not only relevant but will most resonate with what you need.
In this sense, working with a coach can save you time and energy, and get you to your goal quicker and with less agony.
When it comes to self-help we often only work on the areas that we know we don’t know. Which leaves the areas that we don’t know that we don’t know in the dark.
2. Discover your blind spots
People call it different things – the Johari window, blind spots, hidden talents, your shadow, and the subconscious. Essentially it’s the notion that we as humans all have things we don’t know— that we don’t know.
And if we don’t know what we don’t know—it’s hard, if not impossible, to work on these areas.
When it comes to self-help we often only work on the areas that we know we don’t know. For example, clients often are very aware and candid about not knowing how to create boundaries- so it gives us a direction to explore.
But the real value of working with a coach is the bigger realization that happens when you see the hidden beliefs that have been blocking you from setting boundaries. So the real issue isn’t the “how-to” but “why haven’t I” or “what’s in the way of.” This is the area that you didn’t know you didn’t know.
It’s difficult to work with blindspots on our own. It usually requires someone else to be a mirror for us that allows us to see the things we don’t know that we don’t know.
Often our blind spots are things we don’t yet know we want or need. A well-trained coach can shine a light into those hidden corners. And once you see it, it’s no longer a blind spot. And once it’s within your awareness—you’re able to work with it to create the change that aligns with your goals. This is the crux of transformation—seeing things with “new eyes.” It’s this new perspective that you didn’t consider before that’ll propel you into action.
As your coach, I will never tell you what to do. I’m not here to tell you what’s best for you; I’m not the expert of your life.
My role as your coach is to be an objective thought partner who co-creates an environment with you that allows you to articulate and organize your thoughts and feelings. In this space, where my higher self seeks to connect to my client’s higher self, I ask thought-provoking questions related to the stated goal and listen deeply to what my client’s whole being expresses.
Often the client will have a perspective shift through inquiry. Sometimes, I’ll offer a piece of relevant information or a different possibility for their consideration to further zoom in or zoom out of their situation, to broaden their “data” for decision-making. Through this partnership, clients often experience a different perspective, uncover blind spots, and reconnect with their true selves and what matters most to them.
“Lifehacks” and all the reading and thinking in the world won’t move the needle on healing at the core.
3. We hurt in relationships and heal in relationships
I have yet to work with someone whose current source of stress didn’t trace back to a pattern created ages ago that involved being hurt by another human.
The power of having another person with whom you feel safe and can entrust with your thoughts and feelings can only be described as healing. To quote my teacher, Dr. Gabor Maté, “We hurt in relationships and heal in relationships.”
This is why ‘life hacks’ and all the reading and thinking in the world won’t create lasting change on their own. Real transformation happens through relationships and embodied experience, not just information.
When working with deep-rooted patterns and stress, having a trained person to compassionately reflect back your truth helps you see and shift things that self-study alone can’t touch.
Most of the time our family and friends have good intentions – but most people’s “suggestions” come from a place of their own desires and fears projected onto you.
4. Discover your truth with a celebration & accountability partner
The modern world breeds people who are more and more independent. Self-made. Self-motivated. Self-sufficient.
But it can come at the cost of feeling alone on the journey. A coach can be your accountability and celebration partner as you work toward your goal.
Most people, even those close to us, unintentionally project their own fears and desires onto our decisions. A coach, however, holds your agenda and works with you to articulate what’s true for you, helping you make decisions and live a life that’s authentic and meaningful to you.
Working with a coach makes that journey less alone. You can talk about the natural peaks and valleys and celebrate your wins and milestones with someone focused solely on supporting your growth.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to hire a coach of any kind if it’s information you’re looking for.
You can absolutely learn the “how-to” on anything on your own, without a coach, if you put in the time.
But, you might want a coach if you’re looking for a personalized approach, uncovering blind spots, breaking through old barriers, and an objective thought partner to celebrate with and hold you accountable. In that case, hiring a qualified coach is one of the best investments you can make to improve your quality of life.
Hiring a coach is a personal decision and commitment. Don’t let anyone rush or pressure you into working with them. Coaching is an unregulated industry where you’ll find coaches with different qualifications, approaches, and intentions. No matter who you choose to work with, I recommend doing your research, getting on an intro call with them, and then feeling it out if it’s right for you.
If you have questions about coaching or working together, drop me a note.
