Most U.S. adults sleep with a partner. Do we sleep better separately or alone?

Are you one of the two-thirds of American adults who sleep with a partner? If you said “yes,” today’s blog is for you!

This statistic is one of the key findings from the Better Sleep Council’s “Sleep and Partners Research 2023” online survey. A few more interesting stats from the research include:

• Surprisingly, 45% of respondents say they get better sleep alone, and 45% say they sleep better with someone else. 
• Most adults say that cuddling increases happiness and promotes closeness!
• Men are more likely to say that they enjoy cuddling and sleep better with a partner!

It’s important to go to bed each night on a mattress that is comfortable for each of us. An old, worn out, or lumpy mattress can lead to poor overall health and well-being, decreased sleep quality, and:

• Chronic Health Issues such as obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure.
• Weakened Immune Systems that lead to colds, flu, or other illnesses.
• Hormone Imbalances that cause irritability, mood swings, cognitive impairments, and slowed motor coordination.

Below are key factors to consider when choosing a mattress that suits both partners’ sleep preferences and positions. Selecting your shared mattress will take trial and error—and compromise—but the team at BSC is here to help you make an informed choice!

Understanding Sleep Needs

To get started, let’s discuss shared versus individual comfort. Shared comfort is the feeling of calm that we get from being in a space with others. Personal comfort is how we customize our sleep environment to feel comfortable without considering the needs of others. How do we merge the two types of comfort? 

Choosing the Right Type of Mattress

Do you want a conventional mattress with springs, one without, a padded topper, memory foam, gel, or combination? There are a lot of choices! Here are a few of the common types of mattresses for couples:

• Memory Foam: The cushioning properties of memory foam are good for people with body pain, especially those with arthritis. They also reduce motion transfer, which makes them a good choice for co-sleeping.
• Innerspring: Coils in an innerspring mattress provide support, and the surface of innerspring mattresses is bouncy with decent airflow. The coils offer better edge support for older adults or people with mobility challenges. The more coils in the mattress, the more points of support.
• Pillow-top: These mattresses have a layer of upholstery on top of the mattress, mimicking a pillow (hence the name). Pillow tops distribute weight well, and can alleviate joint and muscle pain.
• Latex: If you or your partner change positions frequently during the night, latex might be a good choice. Latex springs back into shape when you move, and the design promotes airflow and prevents heat build-up. Like memory foam, latex mattresses are good for people with arthritis.
• Hybrid: Named for the combination of steel coils and various types of foam, hybrid mattresses offer the best of both worlds. They are supportive, contouring, and can be more durable than an all-foam mattress.
• Gel: Many gel mattresses use technology to create a cooling effect—a significant benefit for hot sleepers. They can also isolate motion and provide pressure relief. 

TAKE THE BETTER BED QUIZZZ WITH YOUR PARTNER TO FIND THE PERFECT MATTRESS!

Motion Isolation for a Good Night’s Sleep

As the name implies, motion isolation depends on whether movement on one part of a mattress transfers to another part of the mattress. A good mattress for couples will provide strong motion isolation so you won’t feel your partner roll over, change positions, or get out of or into bed—at least not as much.

You can test for mattress isolation in the store in a couple of ways:

• Place a closed water bottle on one side of the bed. Sit down on the other side. If the water bottle topples over, the isolation is not very strong. If it didn’t, you may have a winner!
• Lie down on one side of the mattress and ask your partner (or store associate) to lie on the other. Take turns changing positions, rolling over, and getting on and off the bed. If you didn’t notice much movement, the mattress has good motion isolation.

Memory foam, latex, and gel are typically mattresses with strong motion isolation.

FAST STAT: 8 in 10 adults agree that cuddling reduces feelings of stress and anxiety.

The Temperature Conundrum

Matching body and room temperature might be one of the most difficult aspects when sleeping with a partner. Our body temperature fluctuates minimally while we’re awake. As bedtime approaches, our body temperature begins to fall, and we lose one to two degrees while we sleep. As morning approaches, our body temperature rises and signals that it’s time to wake up.

The bedroom temperature can help our bodies regulate our internal thermometers. Experts agree that 65°F is an ideal temperature for sleeping, plus or minus a few degrees. The trick is finding a comfortable temperature for you and your partner.

If you’re cold and your partner is hot, wear heavier pajamas or add a blanket on your side of the bed. Play with the temperature a little, but try not to set it to more than 70°F. Another option is to choose a gel cooling mattress and bedding, as discussed above.

FAST STAT: 40% of U.S. adults share a bed with a partner six or more times a week.

Side, Back, Stomach, Starfish?

What positions do you and your partner sleep in throughout the night? Side, back, and stomach are the most common, and some people switch positions multiple times while sleeping.

Take note of what position you typically fall asleep in, when you wake up at night, and in the morning. Ask your partner to do the same. 

FAST STAT: 47% of adults who live with their partner sleep on a king-sized bed.

Size It Up (or Down)

The last piece of information to consider before settling on a new mattress is its size. A twin bed is too small; depending on your cuddling preferences, a King or California King might seem too big. How do we find a middle ground?

For starters, determine how much space you have to allot for a bed. Measure your bedroom, taking furniture (current and future) into account. You don’t want to sleep in a cramped space. Refer to this list for mattress sizing tips:

• Queen (60 x 80”): Queen mattresses are several inches wider and longer than a full-size mattress. They are generally the smallest size mattress recommended to couples. It’s a good choice for couples who love to cuddle and don’t have much extra space in the bedroom. 
• King (76 x 80”): A king mattress is about 16 inches wider than a queen. Choose a king-size mattress to maximize personal space for you and your partner.
• Split King (76 x 80”): A split king is two separate mattresses, each the size of a twin XL. This configuration allows you and your partner to customize your sides of the bed differently depending on personal preference. Many couples find this is the best type of mattress for co-sleeping.
• California King (72 x 84”): Have a large, long bedroom to fill? A California king might be your best bet! You’ll have almost as much personal space as a king bed in a different configuration.

FAST STAT: Older adults (52%) are more likely than younger adults (39%) to say they sleep better with a partner.

Mattress Shopping Tips

A new mattress is an investment in your and your partner’s health, and it can keep you well-rested and rejuvenated for years to come. After reviewing the considerations above, start mattress shopping! 

This is the best time to determine the right level of firmness for your new mattress. The only way to truly figure it out is to try the mattress yourselves!

Take the following S.L.E.E.P. Test with your partner at the store to determine how each mattress feels. Discuss your thoughts as you follow these simple steps:

• Select a mattress.
• Lie down in your typical sleep position.
• Evaluate the level of comfort and support.
• Educate yourself about each selection.
• Partners should test beds together.

To get a good feel for each mattress, plan to spend 10 to 15 minutes in a typical sleep position. Make yourselves comfortable with your favorite pillow (in a clean pillowcase), or ask a store associate about a pillow bar that can help determine the perfect “bed for your head.” Be sure that each of you also notes any issues when sitting on the edge of the mattress or standing up.

Remember, you and your partner are in this together! Share this blog and check out the rest of our Sleep and Partners Study 2023 findings to further your discussion. Have fun along this journey toward better health and well-being. You’ll be glad you took the time to pick the best mattress for each of you—and your relationship!